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No Woe is Me...

Don't worry, this won't be one of those woe-is-me, can you help a sistah find a good sistah kind of rants. Those have gotten so tired.

But I do want to say that love has eluded my life for a while. Just when you think you've captured it, the darn thing slips from your hands.

I'm proud of the relationships (or semi-relationships or simply friendships) that i've had with women. All of them have taught me the power of being myself and not settling for anything less.

Every woman has taught me something, whether she realized it or not.

P taught me what real love is and what it can do.

M taught me not to settle for second best.

T taught me to not be afraid of what's right in front of you.

L taught me that everything that glitters isn't gold.

N taught me that just spending time together, with out going out at all, can be fun.

K taught me the power of friendship, that you have to be friends before lovers.

Another L taught me the bond between sistahs can't be broken, even if you haven't talked in a while or haven't even laid eyes on each other.

And Deepdiva was taught that everything from your past makes you who you are. And will become.

TO ALL THE LADIES OF MY LIFE, PAST AND PRESENT, THANKS.

A fallen Star will rise again

Unless you've been living under a rock the past few days, it's common knowledge Star Jones got "fired" from The View last week. Or rather, her contract wasn't going to be renewed for this fall. Which basically meant Star was out of a job. The controversy erupted when, after being told she would not be on the show anymore, Star told the whole world (or The View audience, anyway, that she's leaving the show--and not on her terms. Her boss, Barbara Walters, was not pleased...especially because it was done a few days before she was actually supposed to announce it. So now, Barb is upset that Star told the truth. Whatever! If my boss told me he was about to fire me, would I stick around in a job he didn't want me in? I think the way she was "fired," they just expected her to just roll over and say ok. It was reported that Barbara Walters told Star that "whatever story you want to make up," she would back her up. Okay, so you wanted her to lie, to cover up the fact that she was let go. As Star said on Larry King last night, don't you think people would find out the real story?? And then Star would have to deal with the controversy of being called a liar. Cause you know somebody would have said it. Star did the right thing, telling the audience the truth, even though it didn't come at the time they expected. It was her way of taking back the humiliation of being let go, her way of letting no one determine her destiny. I'm proud of the sistah. She still needs to gain some weight back, but I'm proud of the sistah.

Yes, I'm Back!!!

A friend of mine told me I should start writing my blog again. I told her I wasn't really into it, that I felt more eyes lurking and not enough minds commented on what they read here. And she reminded me that I'm not here to write for anybody. Just for me. Whatever I say, is from my heart. And my mind. And I mean it. Thanks, TJ.

The First Case of Bird Flu in the U. S.

No Food Stamps, But Digital TV For All!!!

How's this for priorities? Last week, our illustrious House of Representatives voted to cut monies toward the Medicaid, food stamps and student loan programs to help curb the nation debt. The House also approved a plan to require television broadcasters to switch to all-digital transmissions by Dec. 31, 2008. The lawmakers also voted to set aside $830 million to help millions of Americans with older, analog TV sets pay for converter boxes so they'll be able to have digital television. So our televisions need "sharper pictures and better sound," while the elderly can't pay for their doctor's visits, single mothers can't get food for their kids, and students can't afford to pay for their own educations? So this is what politicians do with our taxpayer's money???

Awww, you like me...you really, really like me!

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

I thought this was kinda cute, and describes me to a tee!

Are You There God? It's Me, Deepdiva

My personal relationship with God can be best described as spiritual, but not quite religious. I love and believe in God and know He's the reason why I'm so blessed in my life. Since I confessed Christ at 14, I've been aware of His powerful presence, although being a mere mortal, I haven't always heeded His word. Yet He is the one I cling to when I think things could get no worse and whom I thank when everything is going well. I know in my life I have received my blessings tenfold and then some, but because I don't attend church very often, some view me as not knowing the Lord. As a matter of fact, my mother constantly grills me (it was probably just yesterday), about my non-attendance and sees it as a disinterest in my sanctity. "Girl, you know you need to come on back to church," she would fuss. "You don't know how blessed you are, just to wake up every day. You better know where you blessings come from, and get right with the Lord." I agree with her. I am blessed. I have two still-married parents, a wonderful (but crazy) family, friends, my health and peace of mind most of the time. I do know where my life ends and begins. I acknowledge that there is a higher power at work that sustains and loves me unconditionally. But church as an entity, I'm not too crazy about. Our family church is one I've attended before I even knew what the word "church" was. A house of worship that, like most black churches, has an illustrious and somewhat sordid past. It's the place where I know most of the members, and they know me. But I'm at the age where I know that every member of the church ain't sanctified, and there are cliques that have formed, even though we're all one big congregation. The same people that can crucify a gay church member, but say they love the Lord in the next breath. And trust me, this is prevalent at most black churches you'll attend. But sometimes, it just bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I love the feeling I get when I hear the foot-stomping choir or listen to a sermon that has meaning for me or just feel His spirit flowing through me at the altar call. But church is supposed to be about more than just getting the word; it's also supposed to be about the fellowship with other members. And sometimes, not all the time, I just don't feel that. I'm trying not to let it stop me from going, but it's hard. So I keep my religion where I know I'll always have it, no matter what's going on in the church: in my heart and soul. And that's where no one can take it away.

I'm Loving It like Beyonce!!

Okay, I know it's been a hot minute since I've wrote a blog, but I've been so busy putting together the new layout for my site. Just imagine several computer freezes and me screaming at the top of my lungs along with a few cuss words, and that just about sums up my week. Old computers are a bitch, especially one from 1998. Anyway, I'm finally done, so I can catch up on the tremendous amounts of sleep I missed out on this week. So my boy has a blog now, about being what I refer to as the most hated species right now: the bisexual black male (thanks to J. L. King). You should definitely check it out. He's even given old Diva a mention. I'm the one he refers to as "carpet-munching ass" in this post. I'm loving it, though. Love life sucks right now, but more about that in another blog entry. I just wanted to put it out there in cyberspace that I'm back, and never plan to be gone that long again. P. S. I'm praying for you, Twin; you know who you are.

Disappearing Acts

I'm laying on my living room couch, that comfy one that you can take the most unbelievable naps in. I'm two seconds before falling into slumberland, and then I hear cell phone blaring my hot-ringer-for-the-moment (this week it's Alicia Keys' Unbreakable), letting me know I'm getting a call. Leaning over, I scan the caller ID and glance at a name I haven't seen in good minute...a real long minute. One of those names I thought would only pop up if the apocalypse was near. I flip the phone open and click the Answer button. "Hello?" "Hey, girl. How you doing?" the female asks cheerily, like we had talked only yesterday. It's really been close to seven months since our last convo. No phone call, only the occasional lazy IM asking about things as bland as work and the weather, but otherwise no communication. And this was a person I used to hang with from time to time. "Uhh, I'm okay. How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while." "Yeah, I been dealing with some things." Translation: I have a new girlfriend, and it wouldn't have been cool for me to call you. "Oh, okay," I say, but really I'm thinking why the hell is she calling. As if reading my thoughts, she says, "I just wanted to call to see how you're doing. You were on my mind today." Translation: my girlfriend and I just broke up, and now I'm trying to see what's up with you. "Was I now?" I ask coyly. This conversation has gone on for about 3 minutes so far. And we haven't really said shit. "Yeah, you know we should hang out sometime soon." Uhh, right. So I say the standard response of, "Yeah, we should. Just call me sometime." Knowing full well that we probably won't cause I won't hear from her until the next six months she calls. When her and her girlfriend are "taking a break." I'm not too keen about blast-from-the-past-chicks, as I like to call them. These are the women you have saved in your cell's phonebook, but never show up in your incoming calls list. Quite possibly a few of them do genuinely think about you; maybe like Mary she was reminiscing on some time we shared. I don't mind that kind of call. It's pretty sweet. But then there's the other BFTP chick who simply calls because her and her girl had a fight or she's lonely and looking for someone "to spend time with" (as a rebound, unbeknownst to you). Be her "in the meantime" girl, as my lesbian twin (shotout to L!) likes to call them. The ones who call steadily for a hot minute, and then later simply disappear. Vanish into thin air. Those the chicks I'm talking about. Like old girl who called me when I was half-asleep. I should have used my Ignore button.

Deepdiva's Diva-Licious Divas of the Moment

I love this girl! Although she may not be on your radar right now, America Ferrera is a fiesty, full-figured Latina who's rising to become a big star. I'm sure you've seen her in movies and television like this spring's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. And not only that, she's pursuing a degree in both drama and international relations. And I love a hermana listo (translation: smart sistah). Ooh, Bre is my girl. I turn on America's Next Top Model just to see her (and Kim, the gay girl.) She's a diva in the greatest sense of the word, and her walk is fierce. I haven't seen spunk like hers since Eva from two seasons ago. And that Harlem accent, ooh, she could speak that in my ear anytime. If she got down with girls...it's on!

I Heart Laguna

Ohmigod, I am so into MTV's Laguna Beach right now!! Yeah!!! It's this real, like, TV show with, like real kids living in the real Orange County, and like, they're rich and stuff, and they are always, like, backstabbing and bitching about something. Totally cool, you guys. How's this for reality....I'm 27 years old and find myself addicted to Laguna Beach. I think it all began when I was bored one weekend, and there was absolutely nothing on TV but this show on MTV. Ashamed to say, I got caught up in the Jessica-Jason madness. Since then, I've been tuning in every Monday at 10 to see these spoiled white kids. It's like one of those guilty pleasures you hate to admit--but love to watch.

Assholes Abound!!!

Few things political pundits do appall me. I mean, we live in a country with a dim-witted president, and I reside in a state that has his brother as my governor. But this controversy involving former Secretary of Education William J. Bennett got me to thinking. If you haven't heard, he's the newest idiot savant who said on his national radio talk show, Morning in America, that the solution to crime in this country would be to abort African-Americn children. He says, "But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could--if that were your sole purpose--you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." Although he says it's "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky." WTF? You think the solution to crime in this country is to eradicate newborn black babies? Who are you fooling? Caucasians are committing crimes in the United States, too. Who's murdering their pregnant wives at a staggering rate? Who is committing most of the sex crimes involving children in this country? It shole ain't us, massa! As a matter of fact, according to crime figures published by the U. S. Department of Justice, cases of homicide are being committed by more white folks than assholes like Bennett thinks. Although blacks have committed more crimes of felony, drug and gun homicides, Caucasians have performed more heinous acts such as intimate and family murder, infanticide and eldercide. They are also more likely to kill for sex-related, work-related, or surprisingly, gang-related crimes. Poison and arson are also crimes most perpetrated by whites, as well. So take that, Mr. Bennett!! But my question is how does a man who wrote The Book of Virtues, a best-selling, feel-good book of inspirational poetry and stories imparting practical values, come off as a no-good bigot? He was the former leader of education in America, for God's sake. And the racist hypocrite (redundant, I know) stands by what he said. Bennett even contends that he should receive an apology because he feels his comments had been taken out of context. In an another article, Bennett's quoted as saying, "I don't think people have the right to be angry, if they look at the whole thing. But if they get a selective part of my comment, I can see why they would be angry. If somebody thought I was advocating that, they ought to be angry. I would be angry. "But that's not what I advocate." When asked if he should apologize, he simply replied, "I don't think I do. I think people who misrepresented my view owe me an apology." Whitey, Please!! It just goes to show that no matter how much we think things have changed, they always stay the same. And there's one idiot born every minute.

That Love Thang

Love, or what you think is love, is a trip. I can honestly say I'm not in love right now, but I'm just enjoying life one day at a time. A lot of people have been asking me about the infamous Miss M, whom I wrote about several blogs ago. I was still trying to sort out my feelings for her, and talked about her on a night I was a little vulnerable. Since then, we're friends hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Nothing new to report. So T (you know who you are), you can stop with all the questioning. One thing I've realized about love is that you can't force it, and it'll come when you stop looking for it. Each day promises something new. So why not take each day as if love could be right around the corner? I try to remain optimistic about love because I know my soulmate is out there, somewhere. As I've said, I'm looking for Ms. Now And Forever, not Miss Right Now. Whether that would be Miss M or Miss Whoever, remains to be seen. What does remain is my faith in love.

Which Girlfriend Are You?

Tonight is the season premiere of Girlfriends (9 p.m.), one of my favorite TV shows (besides The L Word and The Golden Girls). Joan, Maya, Toni and Lynn are the epitome of Black womanhood. They are sexy, intelligent, independent (well, except Lynn) sistahs doing it for themselves. I think all of us, whether gay or straight, can identify more with one character or another, but all of us have a little bit of each one in us. Let's look at the Girlfriends, shall we? Joan: the ever-present mother figure. She's the one who takes care of everyone's issues and ignores her own...although she has gotten a lot better about confronting things. Joan broke out on her own this season, quitting her job as a lawyer and becoming the owner of a restaurant. I'm proud of her. Now if she can only get this thing with William together. You're a Joan if you are: compassionate, thoughtful, self-sacrificing, and conservative Maya: the around-the-way girl with a heart of gold. She's the no-nonsense chick who tells it like it is, even if you don't want to hear it. Maya's heart's been broken but she has a resilience that speaks to the woman in all of us. I'm glad she's back with Darnell, her ex-husband. You're a Maya if you are: sassy, demanding, sweet and sour. Toni: the pampered princess. Toni has many faults. Many, many, many faults. She's bossy and pushy, but one thing Toni doesn't allow in her life is failure. Because of it, she may push people away and demand the best. You're a Toni if you are: bossy, a perfectionist, a diva. Lynn: the flighty ho. Okay, maybe not a ho, but Lynn has definitely been around...a few times. She changes direction more times than a Greyhound bus. But she is always there when the girls need her. You're a Lynn if you are: indecisive, flighty, spontaneous. So which one are you?

The Goodies She Didn't Think You Would See

This is a pic I came across on the forums at afterellen.com that supposedly came out long before Ciara was famous. I don't know what it means, but it looks suspicious. Notice her Adam's apple is covered up. Enjoy!!

Public Service Announcement: Diary of a Mad Black Lesbian

In an effort to dispel misconceptions about the Black Lesbian, Deepdiva has created this public service announcement for heterosexual women and men. These myth-breakers are meant to enlighten and brighten your day as well as answer any questions you may have about the enigma and three-time minority known as a black lesbian. We don't recruit straight women. It's the first misconception straight women have about us. That because we're lesbian, we must want them. As if we aren't discriminating. As if anything that has a pussy, we're on it. Well, I must admit that some gay women do get a thrill turning straight girls out, most of us want someone who understands us (and somebody's who's not still having sex with men). Like a co-worker of mine wanted to know why lesbians don't approach her. Gee, probably because you look straight--and you're with your husband. We're not waiting for "the right man." As hard as it is to believe, we're not all wishing for some dude to come sweep us off our feet. (Unless she's got a low-cut fade and wifebeater). Men aren't our enemy, but your penis is definitely not going to turn us straight. We love women just like you do, perhaps even more so because we are one. Sorry, fellas. And no, we don't want to have a threesome with you and a girlfriend. *Ewww* And no, you can't just taste it (you'd be surprised how many men I've gotten than line from). Bottom line, you're a man and we know the difference. We haven't all been molested or are posessed by evil spirits. Now this was a funny thing I overheard. Apparently some believe that a trauma had to occur for us to be gay. I also talked to someone who said it was an evil spirit pervading and perverting our bodies. I say, *sings* "Nigga, Please." Most gay and lesbian people I know aren't crazy and happen to be some of the sweetest people I know. We're called "studs" and "femmes," not dykes. To break down the black lesbian terminology, "studs" are the more masculine gay women, and femmes, of course, are more feminine. It's just a way of classifying ourselves. You can usually tell the difference. But like Teairra Marí sings, "Don't let my cute face fool ya." We're in your family. Depsite what you may think, we're in your family tree. Yeah, that aunt you had that never married...probably gay. The female cousin who always dressed like a boy and always had an attractive "friend" with her...probably gay. Think about it. We're born this way. While there maybe be some lesbians who became that way because of society or environment, most of us feel like we're born that way. I have a friend who knew he was gay before he even began kindergarten. It's just something we knew, like you knew you were straight; nobody had to tell you. But unlike you, some of us spent years denying it. So that's it for now. Don't forget to add your comments. Straight ladies, give me feedback about this. And gay women, I know you have your own misconceptions to add.

nobody wants to be lonely

Just the other day, my co-worker and I were having a discussion about loneliness. The kind of loneliness that drapes you like your grandma's heavy curtains, tangling your emotions in its heavy cloth. That feeling of isolation all women have from time to time. Lovers, children, bills, work...all take their toll on the feminine soul. She said sometimes she feels as if she doesn't know where she fits in the world. Now this wasn't a "jumping from a ledge" type conversation, but simply a woman-to-woman conversation. I've had these emotions from time to time, but I've also learned there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Lonely is when you have no one to love or turn to for affection; alone is when you're just by yourself, maybe for just the moment or by choice. Lonely would not describe me. I have friends and interests to keep me occupied enough to enjoy my life. I'm still looking for Miss Forever and Always, but with patience she'll come. I'm letting God deliver the right woman to me. The discussion made me think about one of the saddest books I've read recently, What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by E.Lynn Harris. The popular, much acclaimed author chronicled his life in great detail from his childhood to the present. What disturbed me was his constant search for approval and his need to never be alone, even if it meant sacrificing his well-being and mortality. That's the kind of loneliness that I've been fortunate to never have. Cause I love me. And when you have you, you're never lonely -- or alone.

Wait a Minute

It's been a hot minute since I've posted anything. I don't know why. Just haven't been in a blog kind of mood.

First She Busts Her Ass, Now This!

Just brighten your week from all the depressing pictures of Hurricane Katrina, here's the pic that's been circulating all around the Net. This was taken at the 2005 MTV VMAs last Sunday. Now of course, Beyonce looks perfect, and...oh yeah, Kelly and Solange are there *yawn*. But look at Michelle! Oh Hell to the Nawww! WTF? It wasn't enough she fell on 106 and Park last year (hilarious!), she about to be broke (Destiny's Child is over!), but now she gotta look like a sleepy chimpanzee? Enjoy the pic!! By the way, if you wanna see that fall,

Things That Suck!

This is Labor Day Weekend, the time when most people are finding themselves on America's highways for that last summer vacation or cooking out or enjoying football. Me? I'm sitting here, writing a blog about how my weekend is going downhill fast. Please rescue me if you live in my area. Hit me up cause I'm game. But for right now, I give you Deepdiva's Things That Suck Right Now. I'm Sick: Yes, I have a cold. Not a lay-down-all-day-in-the-bed cold (although I have mastered that since last night), but a I-feel-kinda-achy-but-I'm-okay cold. I have been taking pills to break my fever and drinking liquids. But you know it sucks when the highlight of my day was eating Publix chocolate-chip ice cream (my favorite ice cream!) I'm Not at Atlanta Black Pride This Weekend: Yes, as I've posted in my blog previously, my plan was to attend my first pride. Guess where I am? Home. It all began when my car was making a funny noise that my friend informed me could be my starter. I called Pep Boys, and they politely let me know it would cost me oh, about $300 to fix if it was indeed the starter. So I cancelled my trip (I was staying with my boy), and decided to forgo it even though I wanted to hit the club (somethng I hardly do) and be around beautiful women. I also wanted to network with authors for my Sistahs on the Shelf site. Turns out it was only my battery. But I still cancelled it what with the high price of gas and shortages; it just seemed like home was looking like the better option. But I still want to be in ATL. Have fun for me, my Sistahs! Cause next year I'm there! Gas Prices: Okay, so I end up at two gas stations a couple of days ago. (Don't ask.) The BP was $3.28/gallon. Exxon was $3.15. But Exxon had signs up that said there was a $20 limit. And just to make sure there was no gas swiping, they put a piece of paper blocking the credit card terminal on the pump (so you have to go inside to pay). Ever since then, I've been rationing my gas, only going the places I need to go. (But if you have some plans I'm still game, doggg!!!) Hurricane Katrina: I've been watching the coverage, just like a million other people, and I can't help but feel sorry for the devestation. I couldn't imagine if my house had washed away or losing a loved one, like so many people did. But I did do my part and gave a donation (with some of my office) to the Red Cross. We raised about $300 with only a few people (the rest suck!) giving money. Anything helps. Bush is still in office: Enough said. Now I do have one bright spot. I'm going on vacation next week!!! More on that lata! I'm gonna go watch Pretty in Pink on the ABC Channel.

Like Wearing a White Skirt on the First Day of Your Period

Why, does it seem, just when you get excited about something, the inevitable happens? This is my inevitable story. Like to hear it? Here it goes. Okay, I'm leaving work yesterday, feeling happy about the weekend. I'm going to see Ms. M tonight, I found out I have a little more in my checking account than I originally thought, and next week I'm taking two days off for vacation. Lovely. Nothing could fuck this up. Until my car decides it doesn't want to crank. It hesitates a little, but then I makes the sound I want to hear. The ignition is on, and I'm no worried. Maybe it's just a little glitch. No big deal. Then I go home to get ready for tonight. Take a little nap. Wake up. Take a shower. Put on my smell goods. Jump in my ride. And it's making a sound. A bad sound. Like a "click-click-click." Then it turns on. So I cranks it again to see if it's what I think it is or to see if it does it again. It does. But it manages to stay cranked. But I'm pissed. Cause I think it's my starter. Or my battery. And if it is, I'm not going to ATL Black Pride next week. It wouldn't be prudent for me to go, knowing I have to get my car fixed and trying to take a pleasure trip. As you know, from my very first blog, I was truly looking forward to being around my "family." It would have been my first ATL Pride, and I knew so many sistahs and brothas would be there. *Sigh* But now it's time for me to pick up the phone and get estimates. In the immortal words of crackhead Whitney, "Awww hell to da naww!!"

Hanna-Barbera: That’s My Dawg!!

Something had me strolling down memory lane today after my morning shower. For some reason, Jabberjaw came to mind. Yeah, that’s right, the talking shark who played the drums and solved crimes with his human friends. What made me think of him, I don’t know. That was just one of a hundred cartoons that I saw on the Cartoon Express. Many a weekday evening, when I was supposed to be doing homework, I would plop down for a ride on the Cartoon Express. The USA Network cartoon block was a staple in my 1980’s childhood. I mean, I literally grew up watching this 3-hour marathon of such great animated shows by the empire known as Hanna-Barbera. He provided me with hours of laughter and goofy show ideas that ranged from a karate-wielding dog to afroed bears forever trying to escape from the zoo. *Sigh*, nostalgia! Who can forget these characters? I know I can’t. So here’s a list of 20 Cartoon Express cartoons, in order, from my least to my favorite. 20. The Biskitts: The Biskitts were a group of tiny dogs who lived on Biskitt Island. Think of them as the canine Smurfs. 19. Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch: Wheelie was a personified 1974 Volkswagen beetle who had a girlfriend named Rota Ree. Not exactly a classic. 18. Grape Ape: Who can forget a gigantic purple gorilla saying “Grape Ape, Grape Ape” in a deep gravely voice? 17. Speed Buggy: This sputtering jalopy was the heart of the show, getting into adventures with his three teenage friends Tinker, Mark, and Debbie. Far more superior than Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch. 16. Monchichis: Monkeys, monkeys, everywhere!! Or at least I think they were monkeys. They lived in the trees and fought evil opponents. Think of them as the monkey-version of the Smurfs. 15. Clue Club: I wanted to be Dotty so bad, with her wicked-smart book sense. She was the brains of this crime-solving operation – and she was only 12. She constantly showed up her older brother and his friends, and even had two bloodhounds named Woofer and Whimper. 14. Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels: Now he was the Original Gangsta! Who else but a bushy, yuk-mouthed brotha with a big club could hang with three fine ass ladies, Brenda, Dee Dee (the black one), and Taffy. They were always hugging on him, and helping him out of jams. And the nigga couldn’t even speak in complete sentences. Now that’s a pimp! 13. Laff-a-Lympics: This was a hodgepodge of the Hanna-Barbera toons in one show, competing in non-Olympic events, like searching for the Abominable Snowman or ostrich racing. Every week, the Really Rottens tried to outdo the Scooby-Doobies and the Yogi Yahooeys, using evil trickery to foil the other teams. But the good guys always prevailed, and the Rottens were usually in last place with zero points. *Sigh* Why can’t real life be like this? 12. Snagglepuss: When I look back on this toon about a pink tiger whose catchphrase was “Exit, stage left,” how did I not realize he was gay? I mean, he wore a bow tie and cuffs and spoke with in a sing-songy voice; he made grand gestures with his hands and always said stuff like, “Heavens to Murgatroyd.” God, my gaydar must have been broken back then. Today he could have easily been a member of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team. 11. Hong-Kong Fooey: “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!” Except not everyone knew that mild-mannered Penrod “Penry” Pooch, a police-station janitor by day, became a crime-fighting karate expert by jumping into a filing cabinet. As a matter of fact, he helped solve many of Sarge’s cases with his smart-allecky cat, Spot. Not bad for a dog who sounded eerily similar to Sherman Hemsley (aka George Jefferson). 10. Help! It’s the Hair Bear Bunch: I’m convinced these three bears were black. Look at the evidence: they were always trying to escape the “prison” called a zoo, constantly had the munchies, tried to get the other animals to riot, and one even had an Afro. You do the math! 9. The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show: This show was in the post-Flintstone days, when Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm were all grown up as teenagers crazy in love. Call them the Beyonce and Jay-Z of the ‘Roc. (Bedrock, that is!) 8. Jabberjaw: Continuing from above, I remember he had this stupid cackling laugh (like yuk-yuk-yuk), and how he loved to chase the ladies. He also defeated enemies with his bumbling demeanor and his teenage friends (also members of his band The Neptunes, sans Pharell and Chad). Think of him as the “Scooby-Doo of the Sea.” 7. Pixie & Dixie and Mr. Jinx: A simple premise – two mice living in a hole in the wall, and the cat who chased them day and night. Pixie and Dixie were two male rodents, one a little bit country, the other a little bit bougie. Their nemesis was Mr. Jinx, a cat who talked like a gangsta (“I’ll smash you meeces to pieces!”) He used to crack me up with his dumb-ass ideas to eliminate the mice problem. Just like Jerry, the mice always one-upped him. Two heads are always better than one. 6. Yogi Bear: The bear who began it all. He swiped pic-a-nic baskets, menaced Ranger Smith, and had a best friend named Boo-Boo. But if Yogi was smarter than the average bear, how come he always got caught, even after Boo-Boo warned him? 5. Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids: Fat Albert and his gang were cool dudes whose second home was a junkyard. No matter though, they still had a band and managed to impart values in just about every episode – something our black children definitely need. If Fat Albert were around today, though, he’d probably have a gastric bypass, lose 100 pounds and then have his own reality show. 4. Alvin and the Chipmunks: “Watch out, cause here we come!” Who knew three orphaned chipmunks (Alvin, Simon, Theodore) would be adopted by a music-producer/bachelor named Dave and become a successful music group? Funny how that didn’t seem weird when we were growing up. (Also inspired the short-lived spin-off, The Chippettes.) 3. Smurfs: The little blue men with the white hat and tights were the most “smurferific” show on TV. I loved the way each one had his own personality. Papa Smurf was the imparter of wisdom, while smurfs named Brainy, Jokey, Vanity, Grouchy and Clumsy learned new lessons every week. Personally I loved Smurfette. Go figure! And don’t forget about Gargamel and his cat Azrael, who was always trying to capture these happy-go-luck blue people. 2. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney were hilarious. There are episodes that had me rollin’. Especially when they attempted stupid get-rich-quick schemes. And don’t think I wasn’t checking out Betty. 1. Jem: My favorite Cartoon Express show. I couldn’t wait to get home every afternoon to see Jerica Benton turn into her alter ego Jem, a pop princess (before there was even a Britney Spears) by touching her star-shaped earring. You can’t tell me you didn’t love the Jem and the Holograms, and their ever-going battle with the Misfits. Although the show did teach valuable lessons, the fashion and the music were center stage in this classic late 80s cartoon. Count yourself a true fan if you can sing at least two songs from the show.

Yes, I've Dated Men

It might surprise you to know that I've dated men. Yes, some lesbians have been with men, so get that naughty girl-on-girl thought out of your mind. I was with two boys, actually, way back when. I'm talking about high school. A long time ago. For privacy's sake, we'll call these boys "Joey" and "Chandler" (Okay so sue me, I like Friends). They did have some similarities, but they were polar opposites when it came to the way they treated me. Joey was my first love. He was short and stocky, intelligent without really trying hard. Romance was his strong suit, as he would write me at least one love letter a week, complete with mushy ramblings about how he loved me. Joey loved to make me laugh and had a wise beyond his years sensibility. Too wise, in fact. Cause he knew about infidelity at a young age. Joey cheated on me, and because I was in that puppy love stage, I endured his drama -- several times. We finally broke up when I found out Joey was at the movies with another girl, and he lied about it. Now Chandler was the perfect guy. He was intelligent, too, but in a study-too-hard kind of way. Chandler was goofy and sentimental, and really knew how to treat a woman. I remember when he surprised me on Valentine's Day with white roses (my favorite) and a cute white teddy bear. But time broke us apart, as we ended up at separate schools and couldn't quite keep our groove. Chandler's a good guy and I still keep in touch with him every now and then...as friends though. Those were the men in my life, and now they're just faint memories on my lesbian landscape. I finally admitted to myself who I am, and that's quite okay with me.

Dear Chilli and T-Boz, R U Crazy? Love, Deepdiva

Tonight I was half-heartedly watching UPN's R U the Girl. You know, the reality show where the remaining members of TLC, Chilli and T-Boz, are attempting "to search for that one special girl to join them when they embark on the next stage of their careers," as per the UPN website. Why, I ask? Why? Isn't it enough that they lost Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez when she died in April 2002? Now they want to find someone to fill the creative void that diminished when she passed away. What these ladies are forgetting is that no once can replace Left Eye. She was the fire, literally, in the group, the counterpart to T-Boz's quiet strength and Chilli's cool demeanor. I mean, who doesn't remember when she burned down boyfriend Andre Rison's house. Or when she issued a challenge to her bandmates to outsell her solo album with albums of their own in 1999. Or when she disappeared for a week, only later to find out she was with a boyfriend. Granted, these aren't exactly her most shining moments, but memorable nonetheless. She was talented and will always be missed by her fans. I love them for persevering after their precious loss, but R U the Girl just seems pointless. While it's admirable that Chilli and T-Boz want to move on with their lives and keep striving, they need to face facts that it will never be the same. TLC will never be the same. My advice: make solo albums and cherish the time you had with Left Eye. Y'all are talented each in your own right.

FattyHating: The New Prejudice

In one of my Yahoo! groups last week, the debate came up about big women...you know fat women. The whole thing started for me when a certain member said it was her preference not to date big women. She wanted someone who was "more fit," "cares about her health," and "likes to exercise." The debate was fast and furious, people spouting off about how they felt about dating a woman who has more ample assets. This was my first response: "i agree, it's nothing wrong with preferences; everyone likes what they like. but when you discriminate against a whole group of women just because of their size (and by the way, bigger women far outnumber skinny women), i think that's wrong. i myself am a bigger woman, and have no problem as far as my size because i know i offer alot more than just what i look like. there's a lot more of us BBWs than thin women, and our hearts are what matter. and it should also be said that just because a woman is "overweight" does not mean she isn't healthy. there are some women just bigger becuause of heredity and genetics, and don't have any health issues. it also doesn't imply that she doesn't exercise or eat right either." Of course, some ladies jumped on me, saying it's not "discrimination" to overlook big women, just a preference. Some even proceeded to give me the dictionary definition. Hmmm... You may call it what you will, but when you decide not to date someone simply on looks than what they have to offer, it is a prejudice. Maybe not a textbook definition of prejudice, but one nonetheless. This person chose to not date a whole group of women because of what size jeans they're wearing. Forget that she may have the notorious "cute face," the one that would look so much prettier "if you just lost the weight." Or that she may be intelligent, have a good heart, or can cook a mean lasagna that would make you slap yo mama. (Cause the one thing we big gurls can do is cook.) I'm all for preferences, like there's certain women I never thought about dating (those women shall remain namless, although they are of a lighter persuasion), but I would never rule out dating one. Cause the one that I ignore just might be my soulmate. And I'd be too busy worrying about what she looked like.

Being in Love

It' s amazing how the heart is capable of love. It can make you feel things and do things you'd otherwise never do. Like I told myself Friday I would call Miss M. Miss M. is the woman I have a serious crush on. She has a great heart and a wicked sense of humor, and I love spending time with her. She might have some idea, but she doesn't know the way I truly feel. I'm trying to keep it light, because I don't know where things are going. I'm a Capricorn, and if you know anything about us stubborn goats, we're not exactly open with our feelings. We're the type to stew in our own juices, unless we're sure about how someone feels about us. Cautious, we'd rather not get hurt. And I told myself I would give us some space...but then I 'm picking up the phone...exactly what I said I wouldn't do.

Crazy Chick Lit With a Capital "C"

What is up with this new form of dramatic literature, what I dub Crazy Chick Lit? You know the type, where some (usu.) woman goes insane if she can't have someone's man (or woman for that matter), and is hellbent on getting their object of their desire even if they have to boil pet rabbits to get him (or her)? The kind where's he or she about to kill the wife or off the huband just to get next to their crush, and we find out later that this psycho has deep psychological isssues that stem from their childhood. (Boo hoo hoo!) What got me musing on this was that I just finished Anna J's My Woman His Wife, a novel about a woman who would stop at nothing to get this man's wife. She involved the husband, the wife, and even the wife's secretary. And she has her cake and eats it, too (pardon the pun). Since she couldn't get the wife away from her husband, then she decides to take more drastic measures. Psychotic stuff. Oh, and did I mention the crazy ho has killed before? Is this life imitating art, or art imitating life? Cause if you check the news, this kind of madness is all around us. People hacking people, husbands killing pregnant wives. Uhh, it's too much for me, and I truly don't know what the world is coming to. As my mama would say, "We're at end of our days." Or was that a cheesy '80s song? Back to crazy chick lit. Excuse me, but when did this become an acceptable form of fiction? Ever since the popularity of Fatal Attraction, being nuts has never been more attractive. The nuttier they are the better fiction, Lifetime movie, tv movie of the week, hour-long drama, soap opera it is. To me , the bitch is crazy and we should lock her up and throw away the key.

ATL Black Gay Pride -- Can U Feel It

As this summer marks the madness and mass anticipation of Black Gay Pride 2005, I cannot help but get swept up in it. I plan to attend my very first Pride Celebration in Atlanta (Aug. 31-Sept. 5). The excitement of being around a multitude "people like me" is almost too much to contemplate. You may think this enthusiasm is a bit much for just a weekend of parties, workshops, parties, seminars, and more parties. But I'm looking forward to being around "my family" and taking in everything Pride has to offer. When do we ever have a time just for us to come together in camaraderie and solidarity (and possibly find friendsip or love)? This year's Atlanta Black Gay Pride, sponsored by In the Life Atlanta (www.inthelifeatl.com), promises a throng of activities for black gay men and women. The organization is hosting a career expo, a black pride marketplace, informative workshops, poetry readings, and worship services, as well as several social events. Of course, the clubs will be jumpin, jumpin as many of the local spots will hold their own same-sex celebrations. The culmination of Pride ends with the Stand Up and Represent Black Pride March, where brothas and sistahs will walk with pride to the Georgia State Capitol. And I want to be in the midst of it all. Hopefully I'll be able to attend most of these functions and be able to see my family united in self-respect and love. I want to be in that number when we march from the MLK Center to State Capitol meeting people in all walks of life and with their own life stories. I may be romanticizing a bit, but this is what Black Gay Pride should be about. Parties and socializing may be fine, if that's what you're looking for--and please believe that I plan to do that, too. But it should also be about something bigger. So I'll be there at In the Life Atlanta. Maybe I'll see you there.